


My New Year's Resolution Is To Never Let You Go

by moonshoespotterr



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Boys In Love, Fanatical Fics's New Years Competition 2021, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Podcast: Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28614702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonshoespotterr/pseuds/moonshoespotterr
Summary: Tonks is just looking for a butterbeer when she stumbles upon a conversation she definitely shouldn't be listening in on. Featuring a nosy metamorphmagus and boys in love.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 75
Collections: Fanatical Fics’s New Year’s Competition 2021





	My New Year's Resolution Is To Never Let You Go

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Fanatical Fics And Where To Find Them New Year's writing competiton 2021.

January 1996

Tonks slammed the heavy front door of 12 Grimmauld Place closed behind her with a sigh. She’d spent the entire day out on a reconnaissance mission at the Ministry and what she’d seen had filled her with dread. Everywhere she’d looked Fudge’s cronies had been prowling around, attempting to sniff out even the slightest whiff of dissent or mumbled whisper of someone disagreeing with the Minister. The Order had no chance of fighting off You Know Who if their own government were against them.

And on top of that, Tonks had a killer headache from being transformed for so long. Being a metamorphmagus had its perks but hours upon hours of wearing someone else’s face took its toll. She took out her wand and cast a Patronus charm to let Mad Eye Moody know she was safely back. She blinked, unimpressed, at the ethereal fish that erupted from her wand and flopped off with the message. She must be more tired than she realised, Tonks thought, if her patronus was switching between forms.

“Hello?” Tonks yelled, knocking over the troll leg umbrella stand as she stomped down the worn stone stairs towards the kitchen in search of a nice cold butterbeer. “Anyone home?” 

She frowned glumly at the silence that followed. Things had been so quiet since Harry, Hermione and the Weasleys had returned to Hogwarts after the Christmas holidays. It had only been a few days but Tonks already missed the noise.

Well, at least Sirius must be around here somewhere, she thought. Tonks knew how much her cousin hated being cooped up in this dark and miserable house. She also knew it was the safest place for him - what with the entire magical world thinking he was a murderer who had betrayed his best friends to You Know Who and all. 

The only thing that seemed to cheer Sirius up these days was the presence of a certain ex-professor. Tonks smirked as she thought back to Christmas Day. Those two thought they were being so sneaky but even she’d noticed Sirius and Remus making eyes at each other. And giving joint presents? Come on.

Tonks couldn’t help but feel happy for the pair. She didn’t know her cousin that well but she and Remus had been close for a while. Ever since Dumbledore had brought the werewolf into the Order over a year ago following a hasty retreat from Hogwarts. Remus hardly ever spoke about his past or the events of the first magical war but she could tell how much Sirius meant to him. And if one person deserved happiness, it was Remus Lupin.

Just as Tonks slumped down, unsatisfied, at the long kitchen table - all she’d been able to find in the cupboards was pumpkin juice and she was seriously considering heading to the Leaky for a  _ real _ drink - she heard a muffled shout from somewhere upstairs. 

Instantly alert, she picked up her wand and sneakily searched the house until she found the source of the noise. Tonks sighed with relief as she peered into her cousin’s room from a crack in the door and saw Sirius pacing the floor. She was about to push the door fully open and ask what was wrong when Remus stepped into view.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Sirius,” Remus said. He sounded exhausted.

Sirius ran his hands through his wild hair in agitation. “I want you to tell me that I’m not crazy! That I’m not just seeing what I want to see. That it’s not just…” He trailed off and stared beseechingly at Remus, his voice cracking and vulnerable. “Moony. Please tell me it’s not just me.”

Remus dropped his gaze to the floor, unable to hold the intensity of Sirius’s gaze. “It’s not just you,” he admitted with a whisper. 

Relief bloomed momentarily on Sirius’s face until, “But it doesn’t change anything, Pads.”

Sirius frowned and stepped forward to capture Remus’s hands in his. “Moony, what are you talking about? How can this not change anything? For fuck’s sake, I lo-”

Remus yanked his hands out from Sirius’s grasp. “Don’t say it. You can’t say that to me, Padfoot.” He held his hands to his chest protectively and winced as if every word were causing him physical pain. “We’re in the middle of a war, Sirius. Any minute now, Dumbledore might send me off on another suicide mission to Merlin-knows-where. You’re wanted by the Ministry and you want to, what? Carry on like nothing’s happened? Like nothing’s changed? You don’t understand-”

“No, you don’t understand!” Sirius yelled, making Remus jump in shock. “You don’t understand, Remus. I’ve regretted that night every day for the past fifteen years,” his voice softened and cracked. 

Sirius swallowed thickly as tears pooled at the corners of his eyes. “I should have taken Harry. Fuck whatever twisted plan Dumbledore had hatched up for him. I should have taken Harry and found you. We were all he had left. You two were all  _ I _ had left. And I threw it all away on some fucking idiotic quest for revenge.”

He scowled self-deprecatingly into the middle distance as Tonks watched enraptured from the doorway. She knew she should have left when she first realised what was going on, but something had held her in place. A kind of desperate urge to see her friend happy and to stop being such a fucking martyr all the damn time. 

“But you know what, Remus? I’m done making mistakes. I know I’ve screwed up. I left you all alone and I’ll never forgive myself for that. But letting go of you now would be the biggest fucking mistake of my life.”

Sirius took a fortifying breath. “I love you, Moony. I always have. And if you’ll let me, I’ll never let you go again.”

Tonks brought a nervous hand to her mouth. She watched as Remus gulped and squeezed his eyes closed as he valiantly tried to hold back the tears threatening to overflow. He stood silently for a few moments until something broke inside him, the last barrier crumbling away and tears rolling liberally down his cheeks as he opened his eyes to meet Sirius’s pleading gaze.

“I never stopped loving you, Padfoot. Even when I hated myself for it. Just,” Remus’s lips twitched in a smirk, “do me one favour?”

“Anything,” Sirius nodded, placing a hand on Remus’s cheek adoringly.

“You get to be the one to tell Harry.”

Sirius barked a sharp laugh. “The things I do for love,” he sighed in mock exasperation and proceeded to cover Remus’s face with sloppy kisses.

Remus dissolved into giggles. “Get off me, you great big mutt!”

“That’s not what you used to say,” Sirius teased with a raised eyebrow. “If I remember, you used to like it a bit rough.”

With a growl, Remus not-so-gently shoved Sirius backwards onto the bed and climbed on above him. “Better?” he enquired innocently as he trailed a hand roughly over Sirius’s chest and under his robes. 

Sirius threw his head back and groaned as Remus leant down to-

NO! No no no no no. Tonks hurriedly snapped her eyes shut and jumped back from the open door. She did  _ not  _ want to witness whatever those two were going to get up to in there. Although, she had to admit the whole encounter  _ had  _ got her rather hot under the collar. 

Thinking back on her previous notion of visiting the Leaky Cauldron for a butterbeer, Tonks fanned her flushed cheeks at the thought of all the pretty witches and charming wizards there who might be willing to keep her company for the evening and beyond.

Yes, maybe she’d go to the Leaky for that drink after all.


End file.
